Challenging Personalities

Let's face it. A lot of people are challenging. Heck, you might be one of them. Regardless, being a lawyer seems to attract this crowd. Or maybe being a lawyer means that conflict is a part of life and people in conflict behave less mellow than they normally would.

What makes a personality challenging or a client difficult or a third-party unmanageable? To quote Justice Potter Stewart, “I know it when I see it.” And while Justice Stewart was referring to obscenity, difficult personalities can be similar in that there is a subjective nature to their identification. Here are a few traits that may be potential giveaways:

· Lack of empathy. If someone can't look past themselves, they might be challenging. Think of an only child who has been the center or attention for 18 years and refuses to consider their impact on others. We, of course, know that all only children reading this book would never fall into this category.

· Manipulative. Deservingly or not, the term “manipulate” has a negative connotation, because most folks equate it with someone controlling another person. It should go without saying that a person who is manipulative can be difficult, mainly because you can never be quite sure as to their intentions. What makes some personalities more difficult than others is the fact that some folks are not knowingly manipulative. These unaware influencers are really hard to deal with.

· Bends the truth. Note that we did not say someone who lies. Those who qualify as full-blown liars are not only difficult, but are to be avoided in life generally, whether in a professional or personal capacity. Here we are talking about the habitual braggart, exaggerator, or fibber.

· Lack of self-control. If someone cannot exert self-control then you need to understand that such a person is quite likely to ignore your advice, guidance, or instructions.

· Refusal or Inability to Focus. As a lawyer you need to spot issues, provide advice and execute upon the client's directions. If you have a client who is unwilling to focus, then it can be a challenging relationship, to say the least. We've seen a few entrepreneurs who fit this description quite well.

· Refusal or Inability to Accept Reality. While this trait may be challenging, it doesn't mean that the body housing this personality isn't fun, endearing, or can't be wildly successful. Steve Jobs is a great example of someone who refused to accept reality and a great example of someone known as a challenging personality. See also, Elon Musk. In any event, refusing to accept reality makes things particularly difficult for a lawyer trying to convince their client to settle a lawsuit or accept certain concessions in a negotiation.

· Shifts Responsibility or Blame. The best people to work with have a sense of personal responsibility and the ability to shoulder blame when necessary. Think about the opposite here. It's not fun. Especially when that person not only doesn't shoulder the blame but continually passes it around.

· Incompetence. Hanlon's Razor provides that “one should never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” And while it's nice to think that maybe not everyone is out to get you, it certainly does not make incompetent people any less difficult to work with.

· Treats Some People Worse than Others. This is the adage about how you can tell the character of someone by how they treat others who can do nothing for them. Always assume you are treated poorly behind your back with this type of personality characteristic.

· Inconsistent Behavior. Not necessarily bad or toxic, just difficult. The word chaotic comes to mind. More experienced people generally develop consistent routines and anticipated behavior and are thus easier to work with. There's a reason behind the saying, “Professionals are predictable, amateurs are dangerous.”

· Always Angry. Think “Angry Again” by Megadeth (or really any heavy or speed metal from the 1990s on). While raw unbridled anger and seething may work well for moshing and breaking things, it doesn't necessarily play well in the professional world. We, unfortunately, know a few people who are always angry. It's not just challenging but tiring as well.

· Acts Like a Jerk. Unpleasant people aren't necessarily challenging, but they certainly aren't who you want to spend a lot of time with. In any event, so long as their offensiveness does not impede on your legal rights or stray into harassment, they are personalities that you will encounter and will have to at the least tolerate and, at the most, manage and handle with ease. Just don't let them rile you up.