10: Understand How to Best Use and Foster Mentor Relationships
No one gets by in life without mentors. Get the right ones and you are golden. Get the wrong ones, or none, then life gets lonely and learning substantially harder. Being coachable is a strategic advantage.
As we've mentioned many times before, the learning curve is steep. The quickest way to flatten it is to find good mentors, foster the relationships, and come up to speed more quickly.A mentor is someone you respect, has expertise in areas you would like to be an expert in, who is generous with her time, and wants to see you succeed. These aren't people you pay. They may or may not be altruistic. They may just do it “because it is the right thing to do” or they may have some expectations on return, but not direct monetary payment from you.
Whatever the case, seek out mentorship. It could a senior person at your employer, a friend, family member, business leader, senior lawyer at another firm, etc. The more you have, the better. We aren't going to tell you how to engage mentors and find them. That's your problem, but we do have a few opinions on how to best use them and keep them involved.
Do you know how to receive mentorship? The first rule of receiving is listening. Don't interrupt, don't change the pace of conversation you are having, and follow the lead of the mentor. Ask questions, role play with hypothetical situations, and be a “sponge.” If you are fortunate enough, you'll have several mentors. We've heard many times that having multiple mentors is akin to drinking from a firehose. It's important to manage this overwhelming situation. Everyone has a different capacity for parsing information. Developing skills to manage large amounts of information is a key to being a good lawyer, so get used to it. Also, keep in mind that not all mentors are correct. We wish we had a magic solution to tell you how to evaluate this, but we don't.
Our best advice is to always trust your gut. If something feels off, then it probably is.What's often lost in a mentee/mentor relationship, however, is fostering and maintaining the relationship. How do you prevent mentor fatigue and burnout? After all, none of us like relationships that are solely one-sided. In other words, what can you give back to mentors so they continue to help you?
You must realize that no matter how senior, rich, busy, or famous your mentor is, you can always provide something of value to them. You just have to figure out what the thing of value may be. We've found that almost all mentors like to hear when their advice has been used and helped you in some way. If you had a meeting with your mentor and learned something valuable, remember to let your mentor know when you put it to actual practice. We love getting emails that say, “Hey, remember three years ago when you said X? Well, let me tell you how that really saved my bacon recently.” It just makes us feel like we spent our time well. Additionally, find some way to engage your mentor on something outside of their professional world. We've found that things like sending Apple or Spotify playlists, a cool YouTube video, a fun article or book are well-received. Jason, in particular, loves the music gifts as most of his music discovery these days comes via online playlists from people he previously helped out.
In summary, mentors are key ingredients to your success. Few junior attorneys pay attention to this, so it can be a large competitive advantage for you.