Some go to mandatory court-sponsored programs, because they live in states that require mediation of child custody and visitation issues.

Others voluntarily seek out private divorce mediators because they understand mediation to be a more civilized and less expensive alternative to the traditional two-lawyer, adversarial divorce.

This chapter covers both court-sponsored and private divorce mediation, so you can mediate effectively in either setting.

HThis chapter applies to both married and unmarried couples. Tens of thou­

sands of couples in the United States, straight and gay, never marry. When their relationships end, unmarried partners often face many of the same issues as married couples when they separate and divorce, including division of commonly owned assets and debts and the custody, visitation, and support of children they have coparented. Fortunately, unmarried couples can mediate their breakups. For ex­ample, though courts usually won’t order mediation for unmarried couples, court-sponsored mediation programs often are available to help unmarried parents mediate parenting plans for their children, and private mediators are always available to work with unmarried couples. Although the examples in this chapter are written as though a legal marriage had taken place (and the terms “separation” and “divorce” are used), unmarried readers may assume the terms and examples in this chapter also apply to them.

A.