Chinese proverb says: “A lawsuit breeds ten years of hatred.” In our experience, this may be optimistic.
All too frequently, lawsuits pit former partners, colleagues, spouses, neighbors, or friends against each other in a winner-take-all fight to the finish. The adversarial structure of our legal system encourages litigants to beat up on each other and win at all costs, rather than figuring out how to actually solve their problem once and for all.
And when the lawsuit is over, the parties are too often left feeling even more agitated than when they began. Although money may change hands, the parties never get the chance to tell their side of the story—and to know that they have been heard. Feelings of anger, sadness, and dissatisfaction are common—sometimes for years after a lawsuit ends.Mediation offers a way out of this trap. For much less money, time, and aggravation than you’d spend in a lawsuit, you can use mediation to come up with a solution that everyone can live with. And mediation can be effective in nearly all kinds of disputes. It can be used to decide who will own the Sinai Peninsula or who will park on weekends in the driveway you share with your next-door neighbor. It can be used to determine how one computer company will compensate another for infringing operating system software or how your dry cleaner will compensate you for damaging your favorite sweater. It can be used to determine if a shelter for the homeless can be operated by a church in a residential neighborhood in Atlanta or where children should live after spouses divorce in Peoria.
However, even though mediation works well for many kinds of disputes, it is not the best option in every situation. To decide whether to mediate your dispute, you’ll have to consider your circumstances, your goals, and your relationship to the other party. This chapter will help you make the right choice.
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