TIP 9 Place the sentence’s subject and principal verb near the beginning of the sentence.
Readers can most easily absorb an author’s point when sentences flow from short bundles of information (which are easy to absorb) to long bundles of information (which are harder to absorb).
For instance, many readers will struggle to absorb this sentence: “The legislation that Congress enacted in response to the financial crisis that, in 2008 and 2009, nearly derailed the banking system will be signed by President King.” Pretty tough, right? But if you place the short bundle of information — “President King” — at the sentence’s beginning, the sentence becomes much easier to digest: “President King will sign legislation that Congress enacted in response to the financial crisis that, in 2008 and 2009, nearly derailed the banking system.”Lawyers often place long bundles of information too early in their sentences. This problem tends to occur in three distinct ways. First, “left-handed” sentences place too many words before — to the left of — the first principal verb. These sentences, then, use very long preambles, such as in the following hypothetical sentence:
Although there are several factors that could support a contrary conclusion, including that GVK agreed to provide Illinico with twelve months of labor, that it agreed to install, test, and service the nuclear reactor, and that the parties agreed that Illinico would offer consulting services to address Illinico’s questions about the reactor, this Circuit treats this sort of contract as …
The italicized preamble that precedes the subject (“this Circuit”) and principal verb (“treats”) contains fifty-two words! We all use long introductions when we speak, but we can do better in our prose. Long preambles make it hard for readers to follow your reasoning, and this sort of writing causes data absorption problems for readers because you hurl too much information at them. To avoid this problem, reach your principal verbs quickly so that readers know where your sentences are heading.
A short preamble to a sentence is safe and often denotes good style. But the longer you force verbless readers to wander unguided in a sentence, the more likely you are to lose them.Second, refrain from weighing down your nouns with modifiers. If you attach too many modifiers to a noun, readers will struggle to absorb your point. For instance, it is easy to absorb this sentence:
The investment adviser filed for bankruptcy.
But once you add more information about the adviser, the sentence becomes much trickier, as shown in this example (in which I italicized the sentence’s 41-word subject):
The investment adviser who had embezzled money from his employer’s parent company, made false representations to investors in more than thirty states, and refused to speak with SEC investigators when they approached him in July about his role in the embezzlement filed for bankruptcy.
At a minimum, place the lengthy bundle of information at the end of the sentence (even if you need to use a passive verb). Thus, this revision of the prior example is easier to absorb:
The investment adviser embezzled money from his employer’s parent company. He then made false representations to investors in more than thirty states and refused to speak with SEC investigators when they approached him in July about his role in the embezzlement. Several weeks later, he filed for bankruptcy.
As we see above, breaking a lengthy subject into smaller bundles of information makes prose easier to absorb. This technique will sometimes require using two sentences to convey your point, and that’s perfectly fine.
Third and finally, good writers avoid word gaps between either (i) subjects and principal verbs or (ii) verbs and objects. The following example contains a long word gap (which I have italicized) between the subject (“contract) and the principal verb (“is”):
The contract, in spite of the fact that GVK agreed to provide services such as installing, testing, and servicing the nuclear reactor for twelve months, is a sale of goods rather than a contract for services.
Periods, semicolons, and subordinate clauses are indispensable ways to frontload the subject and verb. For instance, this revision uses a subordinate clause to downplay the bad information:
The contract is a sale of goods — not a contract for services — even though GVK agreed to install, test, and service the reactor for twelve months.
All three of the points in this tip relate to the same goal, which is to ensure that readers can easily absorb the information that you present to them. To achieve this goal, keep your subject and principal verb close together at the beginning of each sentence, and place any long bundles of information near the end of sentences.